Many relationship difficulties can be resolved with the right kind of help.

All counselling sessions are private and confidential.

When the children first arrive, make them feel very loved and very welcomed. Caring for them certainly isn’t a chore – it is done with great love.
Grandparent carer

RELATIONSHIPS AND COMMUNICATION

I have a difficult relationship with my grandchild’s parents – how can I work things out?

It can be difficult but it is important to try to establish some sort of relationship for the sake of the children. Be realistic in what you can expect and don’t try for too much too soon. If you are finding you are not making much progress, you may need to ask advice from a counsellor or mediator on strategies that may assist you and the grandchild’s parents. It is important to always keep uppermost in mind the needs of the children as these are the biological parents of the children and will always have an important place in their lives.

What should I do to manage contact between my grandchild/ren and their parents?

You should plan contact visits with the parents of the grandchild/ren where possible and stick to that plan. However this is not always the case. If the child/ren may be at harm or in an unsafe environment during contact visits, you may need to investigate the options available to you such as a Children’s Contact Service or perhaps through a neutral third party who can provide adequate supervision while allowing parental contact with the grandchild/ren.

But contact does not necessarily mean physical contact. In some circumstances it may be that the parents are not physically able to see their children (eg, parents are in jail, working in another State, ill in hospital, or being treated in rehab). In these situations, communication is essential and you should try to encourage contact via email, SMS, telephone calls, letters, videos, digital photos – anything that allows for the channels of communication to be open and flowing.
You may encourage the parents to write notes of support and love to their children which you can place in their lunch boxes, sock drawer or under their pillow on their behalf. It is important that the child/ren are aware that their parents love them but at the moment can not be with them under the same roof due to circumstances which prevent this.

How do I maintain my relationships with friends and family, now that I am caring for my grandchild/ren?

It is important to continue your relationships with friends and family as you will need their support and assistance as you parent your grandchild/ren. You may need to ask for help, child-minding assistance and advice from them so keep those relationships going. If you ask for help, it is often surprising but you will receive it. Don’t be afraid to ask for help from friends and especially from family as it is important that you get a break from parenting every now and then, and it is important for the child/ren to have positive role models around them of all ages and genders. Your friends and family can help to build a supportive environment for your grandchild/ren to grow up in and perhaps heal the hurt of not being with their parents.

How do I develop good communication with my grandchild?

Talk to your grandchild/ren and listen to them. Realise that this is not only a difficult situation for you but also for them – they would love to be with their parents and you would love to be enjoying the golden years doing things you enjoy. Teach your grandchild/ren and let them teach you.
As long as you provide a stable, supportive and loving environment to the best of your ability, that will help the flow of communication. Be honest with yourself and with them and work as a team to make the best of the situation you find yourselves in.

How can Relationships Australia help me?

Relationships Australia can help grandparents with relationship difficulties whether as individuals, in couples or as a family.

Relationships are important as they impact on our well-being and happiness. When our personal relationships are not working well, our ability to cope with other areas of our life is often affected. Many relationship difficulties can be resolved with the right kind of help.

There is something exceptionally healing about being in a safe environment where you feel respected, understood and supported, and where you and your family members can ‘say what you feel’. No issue is too large or too small to bring to counselling.

Counselling sessions are usually one hour in length and all of our counsellors are qualified and experienced.

Relationships Australia (QLD) has over 50 years of experience with its humble beginnings as the Marriage Guidance Council of Queensland established in 1949. With the change of name in 1994 came an expansion of services and this continues today with RAQ at the forefront of providing services to the changing needs of the community and society. Our reputation has been built on experience over the past 50 years and we will endeavour to continue that into the future.

Relationships Australia (QLD) offers a comprehensive range of services and skills including:

• Individual, couple and family counselling and relationships education
• Pre-marriage guidance and education
• Marriage guidance and education
• Mediation and Separation services
• Parenting skills and family counselling
• Domestic and family violence prevention counselling services
• Anger management courses
• Gambling Help Service
• Victims Counselling and Support Services
• After-care Resource Centre (for past residents of state-run institutions)
• Children’s Contact Service (Cairns, Townsville and Brisbane only)
• Parenting Orders Program (South-East Queensland and Townsville only).

All of our professional staff are qualified with tertiary qualifications and trained to meet the high standards of Relationships Australia. Our staff receive regular training and skilling sessions and we have an established procedure of monitoring skill levels in our staff. They are regularly kept up-to-date with information on current best practice standards and new research on emerging areas of counselling. In addition, Relationships Australia often commissions and engages in research to further our knowledge and skills.

All of our staff have sworn an Oath of Confidentiality under the Family Law Act and all counselling sessions are private and confidential. The only exception is where a child or individual may be at harm.

How can I contact Relationships Australia?

Relationships Australia has branches and outreach services throughout Queensland and can be contacted on 1300 364 277. More information is also available at www.relationships.com.au.

The information above was provided by Relationships Australia (Qld).

FAMILY RELATIONSHIP SERVICES PROGRAM

The Australian Government provides funding for family relationship services under the Family Relationship Services Program (FRSP). Although services are not specifically targeted to grandparents, prevention, early intervention and family breakdown support are available to all family members, including grandparents. Some of these services include relationship and parenting skills training and education, counselling, mediation, and supervised contact for children with non-resident parents.

The Government has recently announced major changes to family law incorporating new and additional services through the FRSP. The centrepiece of the changes is a network of 65 Family Relationship Centres. They will be a source of information for families at all stages, including people starting relationships, those wanting to make their relationships stronger, those having relationship difficulties and those affected when families separate. Centres will also offer individual, group and joint sessions to help separating families make workable arrangements for their children without having to go to court.

These changes also include a significant expansion of services which help keep families intact and assist families experiencing conflict or separation.

The Government is also funding legal aid commissions to provide additional dispute resolution services in family law cases involving grandparents.

More information about the FRSP, including a directory of services is available at: www.facsia.gov.au/frsp

The information above was provided by the Australian Government Department of Families, Community Services and Indigenous Affairs.