There isn’t anything I’d rather be doing with my life than caring for my grandchildren, due to their unfortunate and tragic circumstances. They’re our treasured ‘blessings’.
Judy, Grandparent carer

FEEL SAFE - PROMOTING SELF PROTECTION

Many grandparents are concerned about the safety of children. Sexual assault can happen to any child. Self-protection skills are one way to help children to be safe or know how to find safety. Avoid talking about ‘stranger danger’ to prevent sexual assault occurring with children. Perpetrators of sexual assault are most commonly people who are known to the victim/survivor because of their relationships or employment.

When to start

Children are never too young to learn about being safe and whom they can talk to if they need help. Children with learning difficulties and disabilities can and should learn from an early age.

What to teach

Feelings: Help children to understand and recognise different feelings and how to talk about these feelings with someone they trust.

Bodies: Talk to children about the names and functions of both public and private body parts. It is important that they feel good about their body and know that their body belongs to them.

Types of touch: Children need to know about the many different types of touch in their lives and recognise whether a touch is loving, friendly, helping, sexy or a NO touch. This can help them to know when they need to tell someone they trust about confusing touch.

Rules about touch: Teach children the rules about sexy touching. Knowing the rules helps children to be aware of their rights and responsibilities.

Warning signs: Teach children to know when their body tells them something is wrong. Help children to know that the way their body reacts in scary, confusing and sad situations gives warning signs such as the heart beating fast, sweating, crying and shaking.

What to do: Practice ‘NO GO TELL’ with children. Teach them to be clear, loud and assertive when saying ‘NO’. Encourage them to ‘GO’ to a safe place. Sometimes children are unable to say no or go to a safe place. Remind them that they can always ‘TELL’ someone if something has happened.

Who to tell: Make a list of the people they can talk to and how they can contact them. Encourage them to keep telling until they feel safe.

Scenarios: Practice safety techniques using make-believe situations, TV shows or children’s stories. Ask them to say what they would do and how they would get help.

Assertiveness: Support children to stand up for themselves. It is important that they learn how to make decisions and have real choices. Remember you are their best role model. For extra help with teaching these topics, you can order the FPQ booklet, ‘I have the right to be safe’, from the FPQ website: www.fpq.com.au

• Be positive by talking about children’s ability to be safe and focussing on strategies rather than consequences.
• Be factual. Children do not need to be fearful of monsters and all strangers.
• Keep it brief and reinforce. Short, regular talks about self-protection are better than just a one-off talk. Teach safety skills in every day situations.

What to do if a child talks about sexual assault

You can help by:

• not panicking or expressing shock or outrage as the child might think that they have done something wrong
• listening
• telling them that you believe them
• thanking them for telling you and saying that it was the right thing to do
• emphasising that whatever has happened was not their fault
• telling them that some people do wrong things
• talking in private
• acknowledging that it is hard to talk about such things
• not giving promises that cannot be kept, for example, that you will not tell anyone or that you will stop it happening again
• contacting the appropriate support services.

What they learn at school

Sexuality education is embedded within the school syllabus. However, the way schools address sexuality issues in their school communities can vary in scope. If you would like to see your school improve the way it addresses sexuality education, perhaps you could discuss this with the principal or parents and citizens group. Family Planning Queensland educators support teachers with program development, professional development and resources.

For more information visit www.fpq.com.au

The information above was provided by Family Planning Queensland.