Children are never too young to learn about being safe and whom they can talk to if they need help.
RESPONDING TO SPECIFIC BEHAVIOURS
Sexual play
Grandparents may be surprised, even shocked, when they discover their children engaging in sex play or exploration. Generally such behaviour in children is motivated by curiosity. How you react to these situations will give your children very strong messages about sexuality. Reacting with anger, disgust or by punishing the child could cause the child to feel guilty, ashamed or confused.
Responding with casual questioning such as ‘Are you pretending you are grown up?’ or ‘Tell me about the game you are playing’, you are approving of the child’s curiosity while giving yourself the opportunity to gather information and discuss it. You may then wish to discuss issues of privacy and personal safety with the child and set limits as to what is and isn’t OK.
Say your grand-daughter was playing ‘doctor’ and examining a friend’s genitals you could say something like: ‘I see you are examining John just like the doctor does. But his penis is private, so he should keep his pants on when he is playing. If you want to know what boys look like then perhaps we can find some pictures to look at together.’
Masturbation
It is quite usual for children of all ages to touch their genitals. They may do this out of curiosity, because it feels good, to relax, or to provide comfort when they are upset, tired or bored. Some children don’t masturbate at all, some will occasionally, and for others it might be a regular activity. Masturbation is normal and harmless. Scolding or punishing a child for masturbating will not stop this behaviour; rather it is likely to continue, but with feelings of guilt and shame.
If you notice your grandchild masturbating it is probably best if you ignore it. Generally by the time a child is ready for school they have learnt that it is not appropriate to touch their genitals in public. If this is not the case, it may be necessary to point out that while it is OK to touch themselves, it is a private activity and should be done in their bedroom with the door closed.
Swearing and sex jokes
When young children swear or tell sex or ‘toilet’ jokes, it is usually in response to words that they have heard others use. Commonly it is to show off to their friends or to see what they can get away with in front of you or other adults. Unless it is a common occurrence, it is probably best to ignore it. If it continues you may need to discuss the meaning of the words they are using and how they are offensive to you or other people.
As children move towards puberty, swearing may become more explicit. This may be an expression of their emerging sexual feelings, or one way of displaying their newfound ‘maturity’ to their peer group. If swearing becomes excessive or is upsetting you, perhaps you could negotiate guidelines, such as confining such talk or jokes to when they are with friends and in relatively private places.
Dressing up as the other sex
Young children enjoy dressing up and acting out roles. This may include dressing up or taking the role of the other sex. Children should be encouraged to feel comfortable with all sorts of play.
